“Call It A Clan…”

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” —Jane Howard

            What is a phenomenon? Well, dictionary.comdefines it a couple different ways. One definition is “a fact, occurrence, or circumstance observed or observable”. The second is “something that is impressive or extraordinary.” I don’t know about you guys but that sounds like a family! To me families are a unique system of individuals who are trying to become one and are observable to others. (cough, cough, phenomenon, cough, cough) Yet no one has come to a perfect formula to understand how to have a perfect family. Lots of Theories have been formed on families and how they work. (Just as a side note these theories can apply to more than just family relationships) I will be sharing with you four theories on the family system and then talking about the one I feel my personal family conforms to the most.

            Have you ever made an exchange before; the process of trading an object for something in return? Well, that is what the first theory is based off of. It is known as the Exchange Theory. In essence the theory claims that you are in a relationship (premarital, marital, family, even friendship) to be a balance of giving and receiving. Image a scale, similar to the ones you see to represent justice, that is perfectly balanced but then little by little more weight is added to the left side. The relationship is fine as long as the scales are balanced but when they start to become off centered the system fails. 

            The second family theory is known as Symbolic Interaction Theory. This is the belief that the whole system (couple, family, etc) work better together than they do apart. They also learn from experiences and find the meaning behind events. For example, say that you are a young married couple and decided that you don’t want kids. Then let’s say a couple weeks later you find out you are pregnant. As you go through the process and experience different things: when the baby first kicks, the birth, the child’s first steps, their first words, all of these things shape you and eventually you release how much you love your child and that you want more. 

            Who hasn’t had a conflict with someone before? I know I have had my fair share of problems with another person. The next theory is known as the Conflict Theory. Base of this idea is that person will oppose and push until they get what they want. The person like authority and wants the power in the relationship. Picture a relationship in which you are always doing what the other person wants to do.

            Ok now the last theory is called the Systems Theory. When you think of a system you think of different parts working together to produce something, or at least that is what my thoughts turn towards. This theory believes that every member of the family has a role in which they fit and they have rules that whether spoken or not are in place. I feel that my family falls under this category. There are five of us in my family. My mom and dad play their traditional roles of nurturer and provider, respectively. As for my siblings and I we all have different roles. My brother is the oldest and has the role of being strong, independent, and an example. I am the middle child and somehow took on the responsibility of being the peacekeeper. My baby sister is view as the baby, who needs help with everything. 

            The great thing is if you look at all or any of these theories and recognized that you and/ or your family fall into these categories you can be the change. A lot of times we tend to want to revert back to what is familiar to us, but if we can identify the problem we can start to make a change so that our future families can be just that much better.