“Let’s Talk About Sex, baby.”

“Let’s talk about sex, baby.Let’s talk about you and me.Let’s talk about all the good thingsand the bad things that may be.Let’s talk about sex.” –Salt-N-Pepa

Yep, that’s right you guys this post is going to be all about sex. I want to concentrate more specifically on what kind of effects sex can have in marriage with a high focus on infidelity. To help me with this post I interviewed my newly married best friend and asked her a couple questions about her new life and how sex plays into it. (Don’t worry we did not discuss deeply personal stuff only her opinions on the questions I asked her.)

The first question I asked my best friend was, “What does an Ideal marriage look like?”

            “There is no ideal marriage. Because people are so divergent every relationship is going to be different so it’s based off who you are and who your spouse is. I do think however that it is good to do things that you both love to do together or that you can support the other in, because those build deeper connections with your significant other. Those connections are so important because they help develop a good foundation in your marriage and help you become comfortable enough to talk to your spouse about anything.”

“Ok so where does sex play a part in marriage?”

            “It goes back to being comfortable. You need that level of comfort because personally when I’m and having sex with my husband I am my most vulnerable. So, I need to be able to trust him with my body. Communication is also key, making sure that you and your spouse are talking about what you like and don’t like during sex, and again you just need to be comfortable talking about it with them or you can have some unpleasant sexual experiences.”

I thought what my best friend had to say was quite interesting. Typically, Women need to feel a sense of closeness, security, and warmth with a person before they are like to have sexual intercourse. Men on the other hand are the opposite. They feel the need to have sex so that they can feel close with someone. A lot of the reasons behind this can be explained by science. So When men and women have sex they release certain neurotransmitters. One being Dopamine, which sends signals of excitement, and Serotonin. For women, however, they release not only these two but also a hormone called Oxytocin. This hormone is a bonding sort. Meaning it creates an emotional attachment to something. (For instance a mother seeing her new born baby. Her body releases Oxytocin creating a motherly bond between her and her child.) So when women have relations with someone it can creates an emotion bond for them.

I continued by asking my best friend, “What do you think infidelity means?”

            “Obviously it’s a sexual relationship with another person, but it can be more than that. It can be sharing intimate details of your relationship with someone other than your spouse.”

I agree with her wholehearted and asked in response, “How can sharing personal experiences with someone else be problematic?”

            “Your relationship with your spouse is yours. It’s what draws you closer together. When you share information that you shouldn’t with others it starts causing a drift from your spouse.”

This very true. When we share personal information with others it can cause problems and can lead to infidelity. This week I was reading an article by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner called Infidelity: Protecting our Marriage. I became aware of the four types of Infidelity. The first is called Fantasy. This is where you have an emotional relationship with a fictional person or a random stranger but you fantasize what it would be like to be with them. The second is Visual. Which is pretty much what it sounds like, looking at inappropriate images such as pornography. Next is Romantic. This is where you are emotionally connection with another physical person but not have sexual relations. Lastly you have Sexual infidelity. This is where you are having sex with another person whether there is an emotional connection or not.

To avoid infidelity, I feel that, you must guard what intimate details you share with others. Focus on building a solid foundation with your spouse by means of open communication. It will lead to a feeling of comfort opening you up to being more sexually intimate.

“Chapter 4.” Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy, by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer, 8th ed., McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2011, pp. 77–101.

Gardner , Scott, and Christian Greiner . “Infidelity: Protecting Our Marriage.” Ericapearlarbon.weebly.com, ericapearlarbon.weebly.com/uploads/3/9/5/4/39542343/affair_prevention_2.pdf.